Whenever you’re coming out of a bad relationship, there’s always that period of Zombiedom. You’re incapable of completing your own sentences, rattling off an occasional snarl or groan; unmotivated to do anything but perhaps consume ramen, breakfast burritos, or other easily prepared meals; taking to the bottle at times not generally designated for the bottle while destroying the comedy and romance sections of Movies OnDemand.
It is not a Top of the Mountain period.
There were peaks to that relationship, like when you first met in that coffee shop or at the concert of each of your favorite band. When you first kissed or when your overwhelmingly shallow roommate approved of her Facebook pics. Oh there were good times.
But then it didn’t work.
She was just a pretty face or he was just a really nice guy. She was insatiably needy or he was irresponsive and distant. And whether you were blindsided or saw it coming, you’re in Zombieland now.
Sound a little something like this past Pac-12 basketball season? Feels about consistent to me.
Because I’m just coming back to real life. It all felt so right when there was no unanimous preseason favorite; the Bears could ride their veteran coattails or the Bruins would big their way to supremacy or the ‘Cats were going to depth you to death or the Huskies would Ross-n-Wroten to your face. The Pac was darned near back. It was the honeymoon period.
And then it just didn’t work.
I’ll spare you the exhausted details of this shameful and disparaging 2011-12 campaign because that’s not how you get over a breakup. Just don’t rehash the shit. The good or the bad (Ok: Reeves and SI, Jabari, Josiah, oh-fer the top 25, two-fer the NCAAs, Dawg champs and no dance, Jorge POY and dPOY, Ross disappearing, Utah appearing, Trojans injuring, Sun Devils contract extending, surprising Buffs, triumphant seniors, Brock, Chasson, Solomon, Allen, Dre, Cardinal NIT Champs). And that’s about as much rehashing as is necessary: a rattled list and perhaps some biting remarks amongst acquaintances for a laugh, saving your passing positivity for trusted company. Beyond that? It’s over. Time to move on.
You see, to kill a Zombie, you have to destroy their brains. It’s not enough to ponder the what ifs, the couldas, wouldas, and shouldas. As we just said: it’s over. Next. Kill the brain.
Well consider me a dead Zombie because my 2011-12 brain is dead. That aforementioned list of horrors is in the past. I’m moving on to things like:
- Two of the top three recruiting classes in the nation
- 14 of Scout’s top 100 headed to the PAC
- Chasson Randle’s forthcoming season
- Brock Motum’s forthcoming season
- Andre Roberson’s forthcoming season
- The new Pauley and Ben Howland’s chair
- Altman and Boyle in year three
- Miller year four
- Miller year four
Shall I continue? Allow me to explode your Zombie dome with a series of phenomenal questions:
- Is Josh Smith in shape?
- Who’s playing point in Tucson?
- How good can Dwight Powell and Anthony Brown be?
- Are these classes good as advertised?
- What is Andrew Andrews?
- Shabazz POY?
- Can Allen Crabbe be the man in Berkeley?
Of course what I really want to know is: Is it November yet?