Last night Bill Walton was in Tucson to do play-by-play for the broadcast of Oakland @ Arizona. And he was great.
Last week, a petition was created – and signed by more than 1,500 lost souls – to never have that scenario play out again. Interested? Here’s the link and know that I did not sign it. I will not sign it. In fact, I’ve come up with a list of 25 people (tip of the iceberg) who would be worse at calling a U of A basketball game. Twenty-five people who wouldn’t compare Gabe York to Ray Allen or tell us about a 67-acre mushroom. A quarter-hundred people who don’t have a Tipi in their backyard; who didn’t nearly walk out on the winningest legend to keep a beard. Because you’d rather hear about the defensive efficiencies (1.31 ppp vs. Arizona) of the Oakland Grizzlies playing a red eye removed from East Lansing.
In no particular order:
- Lute Olson – Great coach. GOAT? Yet you never knew how much you liked the Grateful Dead until you heard all of Lute’s “uhhhs.”
- Dick Vitale – Do you really need me to?
- Jerry Garcia – Couldn’t provide a quarter of the basketball insight that Walton provides about The Dead.
- Jenny Finch – Has many fine features and Wildcat knowledge.
- Ernie Kent – Unless of course Arizona is playing Washington State in which case it would improve Arizona’s chances to win. Or would it?
- Digger Phelps – Is the devil.
- Craig Robinson – The man can charm a room – he’s learned from the best – but he can leave something to be desired on the mic.
- Kyryl Natyazkho – The former Wildcat – who once Bernied in the NCAA tournament – dabbled in media which was actually quite an interesting perspective. But let’s keep the big Ukraine of the mic.
- BYUTv – The single most homer broadcast that ever was. Jimmer also dropped a billion on the Wildcats so whether you liked ’em or not, you won’t soon be seeing/hearing/experiencing BYU vs. Arizona anytime on the round ball side of a Las Vegas Bowl.
- Tim McCarver – Indubitably the worst. Ever. All time. He’s so bad that when you listen to his broadcasts you don’t enjoy the broadcasts because he explains things so longwindedly and in such elementary terms that he manages to confuse you even about the most simple of things like telling you that Tim McCarver is not the best play-by-play guy.
- Kevin Danna – And I love Danna! Listen to this call. And this call. But Dannaman didn’t hang banners.
- Ed O’Bannon – He was 5-3 All-Time against the Wildcats – destroyed ’em – and now he’s trying to deamateurize our athletes? Wait, the latter’s a good thing.
- Spencer Smith – He’s not even an expert. But does have a media medallion on reddit/cfb.
- Adam Butler – The self-proclaimed “preeminent Pac-12 blogger” would likely spend the entire broadcast texting his brother and other friends throughout the country.
- This Lady – Not a chance she distinguishes between Kaleb Tarczewski and TJ McConnell.
- Sean Eilliott – And Boogie Cousins agrees.
- Patrick Butler – My father, at the slightest of great plays, does this miserably loud GASPSHOUTYELL that is not only startling but the point of countless familial battles. The things I do for ‘Cats games…
- Sarah Kezele – Because it seems she’d only talk about Walton.
- Lou Holtz – The master motivator’s motivation would be lost amidst everyone already being so fired up over things like Arizona Basketball.
- Steve Kerr – He has the basketball acumen, the Arizona pedigree, and the booth experience. But he’s got bigger fish to fry (21-3, if you need a hint).
- Colin Cowherd – Because we can’t commercialize everything.
- Craig James – He’s got a senate race to tend to anyhow.
- Casey Jacobsen – But big kudos because I’ve heard him admit, on air, that the tip-frosting phase was a mistake.
- Ray Lewis – That Stanford locker room tho…
- Brian Collins – Or maybe this would be great because – you know – boom goes the dynamite?